Ups and downs 2

Unsettled is very much what I am at the moment. Medical stuff, getting back to work stuff, revamping the living room stuff (including my new fishtank which is still on the floor because I haven't found anyone to pick it up yet, and everything else piled up in heaps), mortgage stuff (they've started sending me little reminders but all the paperwork is buried somewhere), general financial stuff and a complete failure to get back to normal after writing stuff. I've got symptoms of hypomania and symptoms of depression and symptoms of anxiety all muddled up together (it's called a mixed state and I very rarely have them thankfully) , I can't keep awake during the day and can't sleep at night, can't read a book but I can dance my way through a couple of Scissor Sister albums, no trouble. Still no appetite. All a bit odd really and very unsettling in itself. Got an appointment with the psych in a week or so I think but the date and time are written down on a piece of paper somewhere and that's buried too. Wish I could get lost in writing again but finished is finished. Wrote a fic a couple of days ago but it's not the same. Tempted to get out the whiskey for a bit of self medication but I do know better than that.

Guess it will settle in time, or get worse and someone will feed me anti-psychotics and I'll go to sleep for a week or so. Right now it's 11:30 pm and I'm recharging my phone and will probably then go out for a walk in the driving rain with the iPod. Thinking too intensely feels much better when walking at the same time; it all settles to a rhythm. Doing a lot of walking at the moment. The tricky bit is turning round to come home again. I might do the route via the towpath and then the park which is four miles or so and at least goes round in a loop so I don't have to decide to come back. Back too sore to take a bag so it's water bottle under coat and some change for a taxi in my pocket. something in this room is going beep every few minutes and I don't know what- it isn't my phone. Whatever it is will presumably run out of battery in due course and shut up. Guess I'd better wake up Beloved for long enough to let him know I'm going out; he's due up at 5am to go to Croydon tomorrow morning but I'll be back long before then.

Update- it's now 1am and I got distracted by some Spike/Xander fics so didn't go walking. beatnik is curled up on my lap purring like hell. I think I might be able to sleep now so I will go and try.