Monday, February 27, 2006
If Tony were Jesus (What would Jesus Do?) P1 The Widow's Mite
If Tony were Jesus (What would Jesus Do?) Part One, The Widow’s Mite
The Scene; an office, sometime not very close to 0AD.
A rather middle-aged T’Jesus has just returned from lunch.
T’Jesus; That was rather good. But I really shouldn’t have had those extra honeycakes- got to watch that waistline!
He pats his stomach comfortably and turns his trademark beam on the apostle waiting by the desk in a pose reminiscent of a civil servant. Civil servant apostle nods in eager agreement.
T’Jesus: Very productive though. Peter Shipowner was there, and John Bath Robe Designer.
He frowns slightly.
TJesus: Oh, and a woman, runs one of the GT 100 companies. Can’t remember her name, nice legs though. And she clearly liked yours truly!
The beam gets wider.
T’Jesus: I managed to get a promise; well a definite indication anyway, from Peter that he will put some money into the new synagogue. I think I got him up to 10%. He wants full control over the rabbi selection, but that’s not unreasonable. After all it’s a lot of money for him to commit.
CSApostle looks doubtful for a moment, but T’Jesus isn’t looking. The Great Man has frowned.
T’Jesus: Which reminds me, Peter wanted to know what we were going to do about Gift Aid. Apparently it doesn’t work with these new Mid Lake schemes. You know the ones; Ch’Mary sorted one out for us a couple of weeks ago; save a fortune in Inheritance Tax. Anyway he says we need to tweak the Gift Aid; too restrictive at the moment. No good for donors using complex financial products. Talk to him and get me some proposals by next week.
CSApostle is scribbling notes and nodding.
T’Jesus looks down at the papers on his desk.
T’Jesus: Good, the donations stats. You see, CSDisciple, this clearly justifies our focus on the really big donors. Look at the percentage takings. This is how to really help the needy; make it easy, in fact make it beneficial to the super rich to donate money and take advantage of their business expertise by encouraging them to retain control over the results. Take this Andrew guy who put the money into that school last year. Fish worshipper, got full pro-fish curriculum in place. Nutty as a fruitcake, but the kids in that school have new desks, new chairs, hell, even new abaci, and that’s really making a difference to their quality of learning. And when you really think about it, fish, God, they’re not that far apart. Kids get a great school, Andrew gets 40% tax back and the chance to spread the fish message, and we get a diverse culture. Everybody wins!
His pleasure is suddenly dimmed and a finger jabs at the end of a list of figures.
T’Jesus: Hey, what’s this about? VSDC? What is it and why is it producing less than 0.001% of total donations?
CSDisciple hastens to explain
CSDisciple: That’s a relief that’s been around since John the Baptist’s time. Very Small Donation Credit. It’s designed for the extremely poor. They give something to charity and they get a gold star. Enough stars and they get a commemorative loaf of bread.
He pauses reflectively
CSDisciple: The original idea was that they kept it on display, but they all eat them. The scheme is very popular; there is a lot of appetite for making donations among the target audience, but because they are, after all, very poor, the total takings from the scheme are always low.
T’Jesus’s frown has turned thunderous.
T’Jesus: What sort of administration costs are we looking at? This is exactly the sort of inefficiency and bureaucracy that needs to go. Piddling little schemes that bring in virtually nothing. We have a duty to those in need, a duty to maximise the amounts we raise for them.
He stands up, looks decisive and determined.
T’Jesus: Abolish the VSDC forthwith! The administrative savings can go towards the amendments to the Gift Aid scheme. We have a mission, CSDisciple, a mission to feel the hungry by incentivising the rich! And by God I will do it! I come to bring a New Heaven and a New Earth!
CSDisciple bursts into spontaneous applause
FADE
Part 2 The Good Samaritan follows shortly
The Scene; an office, sometime not very close to 0AD.
A rather middle-aged T’Jesus has just returned from lunch.
T’Jesus; That was rather good. But I really shouldn’t have had those extra honeycakes- got to watch that waistline!
He pats his stomach comfortably and turns his trademark beam on the apostle waiting by the desk in a pose reminiscent of a civil servant. Civil servant apostle nods in eager agreement.
T’Jesus: Very productive though. Peter Shipowner was there, and John Bath Robe Designer.
He frowns slightly.
TJesus: Oh, and a woman, runs one of the GT 100 companies. Can’t remember her name, nice legs though. And she clearly liked yours truly!
The beam gets wider.
T’Jesus: I managed to get a promise; well a definite indication anyway, from Peter that he will put some money into the new synagogue. I think I got him up to 10%. He wants full control over the rabbi selection, but that’s not unreasonable. After all it’s a lot of money for him to commit.
CSApostle looks doubtful for a moment, but T’Jesus isn’t looking. The Great Man has frowned.
T’Jesus: Which reminds me, Peter wanted to know what we were going to do about Gift Aid. Apparently it doesn’t work with these new Mid Lake schemes. You know the ones; Ch’Mary sorted one out for us a couple of weeks ago; save a fortune in Inheritance Tax. Anyway he says we need to tweak the Gift Aid; too restrictive at the moment. No good for donors using complex financial products. Talk to him and get me some proposals by next week.
CSApostle is scribbling notes and nodding.
T’Jesus looks down at the papers on his desk.
T’Jesus: Good, the donations stats. You see, CSDisciple, this clearly justifies our focus on the really big donors. Look at the percentage takings. This is how to really help the needy; make it easy, in fact make it beneficial to the super rich to donate money and take advantage of their business expertise by encouraging them to retain control over the results. Take this Andrew guy who put the money into that school last year. Fish worshipper, got full pro-fish curriculum in place. Nutty as a fruitcake, but the kids in that school have new desks, new chairs, hell, even new abaci, and that’s really making a difference to their quality of learning. And when you really think about it, fish, God, they’re not that far apart. Kids get a great school, Andrew gets 40% tax back and the chance to spread the fish message, and we get a diverse culture. Everybody wins!
His pleasure is suddenly dimmed and a finger jabs at the end of a list of figures.
T’Jesus: Hey, what’s this about? VSDC? What is it and why is it producing less than 0.001% of total donations?
CSDisciple hastens to explain
CSDisciple: That’s a relief that’s been around since John the Baptist’s time. Very Small Donation Credit. It’s designed for the extremely poor. They give something to charity and they get a gold star. Enough stars and they get a commemorative loaf of bread.
He pauses reflectively
CSDisciple: The original idea was that they kept it on display, but they all eat them. The scheme is very popular; there is a lot of appetite for making donations among the target audience, but because they are, after all, very poor, the total takings from the scheme are always low.
T’Jesus’s frown has turned thunderous.
T’Jesus: What sort of administration costs are we looking at? This is exactly the sort of inefficiency and bureaucracy that needs to go. Piddling little schemes that bring in virtually nothing. We have a duty to those in need, a duty to maximise the amounts we raise for them.
He stands up, looks decisive and determined.
T’Jesus: Abolish the VSDC forthwith! The administrative savings can go towards the amendments to the Gift Aid scheme. We have a mission, CSDisciple, a mission to feel the hungry by incentivising the rich! And by God I will do it! I come to bring a New Heaven and a New Earth!
CSDisciple bursts into spontaneous applause
FADE
Part 2 The Good Samaritan follows shortly
# posted by Louise H @ 8:30 pm 
